Last Picture

 



I took this picture of Mark 4 days before he died. I had forgotten about it and discovered it on my phone this evening. 

We were on our way to Camp Lejune NC and had stopped for lunch. It was later on this day that we had stopped at the 1/2 way point of the trip for the night. Only 4 hours of driving, but I didn’t want to tire Mark out. 

This was the last picture I took of him. He still had that twinkle in his eye. I’m so glad I snapped this picture. Little did I know, 12 hours later he would be confused and 16 hours later he would be in the back of an ambulance on the way to an emergency room. 

We never made Camp Lejune. I made the decision to turn around and head home a few hours after his release from the ER. He was gone a mere 72 hours later. 

One thing about my husband was his attitude towards life and others.  He was a tough man to get to know. To those who didn’t know him well he appeared friendly, but distant. Mark didn’t trust east. He preferred to watch people and give them the opportunity to reveal their true character over time. They always did. He didn’t suffer fools and had no tolerance for laziness, lying and those who treated others or animals unkindly. Yet, to those he loved he was caring and compassionate. He would go out of his way to help someone he loved, no matter how inconvenient or difficult it was. Nothing made Mark angry faster than him feeling that someone wasn’t treating me well. Talk about being meaner than a grizzly with a sore paw! 

During our 18 years together  I never doubted Mark loved me. He showed me everyday with everything that he said and did. From our first date until he stopped driving 2 weeks before he died, he never failed to open my car door, a restaurant door or walk by my side with his hand at the small of my back. He would bring me home flowers every week. The day would rotate, but every week I had fresh flowers. One flower in the bunch would always be a lily as Stargazing Lilies were my favorite. He spent hours planting Lily bulbs in our garden at our CA home while I was at work. 

He wasn’t perfect, neither was I, but we were perfect TOGETHER. Now I’m left alone to navigate the rest of my life. I miss him more than words can express. I miss him with every breath I take. There isn’t a minute that  that he isn’t on my mind. 

I don’t know how I’m supposed to recover from losing him. I doubt I ever will. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Stationary Day

Image
 It’s early only 6 and I’ve been up and dressed for an hour. Rough night with the MS and muscle spasms but it is what it it.  My granddaughter is still fast asleep. I couldn’t even convince the bulldog to come sit outside with me. She did her business and is now asleep, sitting up, on the loveseat in the fifth wheel. The cat, baby is the only one interested in joining me. Yes, I travel with my pets. They are well behaved (better than a lot of kids) and bring me comfort and companionship. They are part of my family. When I travel like this, they are along for the journey. Right now, it’s just me, the camp-stove and percolating coffee.  Mark would have loved it. I can just picture him sitting in shorts and a t-shirt, hat on with a book in his hand. He seldom sat without a book within easy reach. He was very well read. Everything from crime fiction to autobiography’s. I think the only genre he didn’t read was horror. He used to say all he had to do was turn on the evening ne...
Read more

2 Months

Image
  Two months. Two months since my world changed forever. Two months since my heart broke. Two months since the love of my life died.  I’m writing this at 2:30 in the morning. My thoughts are tumbling through my head. My life was not supposed to be this way. I was not supposed to lose my husband this soon. We were supposed to grow old together and become that cute elderly couple folks saw. We were supposed to enjoy watching our grandkids grow up, share family traditions, and made “forever” memories with them together. We were still young enough to have hopes and dreams of things we planned to do together.  Now that’s all gone. Lost in a moment.  A single heartbeat in time that changed everything and erased our future together.  How does one recover from this? Is it even possible? It’s almost impossible to breathe tonight. The depth of the ocean of grief I’m swimming in is indescribable. “Treading water” is exhausting. I’m exhausted. Spiritually, physically and em...
Read more

The Ranch

Image
 Yesterday was tough. I cried at the airport, on the plane, in the rental car and at the ranch. I really can’t begin to express how hard this trip is emotionally.  Mark loved going to the ranch. It was a week dedicated to family and relaxation. Family was so important to Mark and the ranch gave him the opportunity to catch up on how, and what, everyone was doing.  Over the years there have been proposals and other special meetings moments at the ranch. Some years not everyone could go. The table we all sit around during dinner has both grown and shrunk over the years. The loss of Mark’s parents created two empty seats. Now, there is a third empty seat.  I decided to go to the ranch yesterday afternoon. I knew it would be hard to be there without Mark and honestly, I didn’t want Marks family to have to see my grief. They are dealing with their own and I know going to the ranch this year is hard for some on them as well.  As I drove closer to the ranch, the quiete...
Read more