2 Months

 


Two months. Two months since my world changed forever. Two months since my heart broke. Two months since the love of my life died. 

I’m writing this at 2:30 in the morning. My thoughts are tumbling through my head. My life was not supposed to be this way. I was not supposed to lose my husband this soon. We were supposed to grow old together and become that cute elderly couple folks saw. We were supposed to enjoy watching our grandkids grow up, share family traditions, and made “forever” memories with them together. We were still young enough to have hopes and dreams of things we planned to do together. 

Now that’s all gone. Lost in a moment.  A single heartbeat in time that changed everything and erased our future together. 

How does one recover from this? Is it even possible? It’s almost impossible to breathe tonight. The depth of the ocean of grief I’m swimming in is indescribable. “Treading water” is exhausting. I’m exhausted. Spiritually, physically and emotionally. 

In this moment in time I don’t know how I’m supposed to go on. I don’t want to. I don’t want to live the rest of my life without him. I do not want to have the thought “He should be here,” with every activity or experience, because damn it he SHOULD be here!  I don’t want to be sitting in the dark at 3 am wondering how I’m supposed to live the rest of my life without him. Yet, I am. 


Comments

  1. LyndaJuly 2, 2022 at 12:19 AM

    I feel your pain. You describe it exactly as I felt it too. There is a bit of light now in the tunnel of loss and pain for me. I pray for the same for you. I totally understand the exhaustion, the lack of sleep, the heartache of the loss of love and companionship. July 6 marks the anniversary of my Ron's death and I can say that I have a glimmer of hope for some happiness although it will never ever be the same alone as it was with him. I hope the same bit of shinning light for you my friend. I know we haven't met each other but I feel a connection with you as your words resonate with me more than you know. I wish we were neighbors and that we could walk over and comfort each other or that I could be more help to you as there are so few it seems that understand. Unless they have been through it with someone they adore and love at the level that you do your husband and me with mine. Hugs and prayers for you my friend in pain.

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