Faith

 It’s been a rough few days. Yesterday was especially difficult. For the first time since Mark died I just…..gave up. I didn’t bother to get out of my pajamas all day. What was the point? Who cares if I got out of bed or got dressed? I didn’t.  I forced myself out of bed to do laundry so I would have clean clothes to wear this week.  Other than that I laid in bed. Until the evening. 

Then, I pulled out my bible, prayed and started reading. I’ve always been a woman of strong faith, but since Mark died I haven’t felt God. It was as if a wall has been built between God and I. My faith told me He is with me, but for the first time in my life I couldn’t feel Him. I have cried out to Him in my grief and yes, in my anger too. I have felt so alone and abandoned by God. 

Until today. As I sat on my front porch this evening and asked God where He was, He answered. He’s right here. 


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