Day 61


 Somehow I survived the first 60 days. Honestly, I don’t remember much about the first few weeks. It’s probably just as well. What I DO remember I would rather forget. 

I was so very lucky to have had Mark for the 18 years that I did. He was far from perfect, but I’m not either. However, what were, was good for each other. His procrastination balanced my type A “gotta be done NOW,” and his “no threshold BS meter” balanced my “gotta ALWAYS forgive and forget.” That’s not to say we didn’t have our moments with each other, but we were COMMITTED to each other and neither was willing to ever walk away. We laughed often and loved unconditionally. Having that was wonderful, but the cost of having that kind of relationship is a grief that is often unbearable. It makes me wonder if it was all worth it. 

Tomorrow will mark the two month point since this journey began. In a lot of respects it hurts more now than it did the day he died. “Time heals all wounds.” Really?!?

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