Day 57

 Yesterday was a good day. Until I got home. I spent the day at a water park with a girlfriend. It was nice catching up and relaxing. Weather was good. Rain rain in the morning, overcast through the day but temps were only in the low to mid 80’s. We decided to head home about 3 and the timing was perfect. It started raining shortly after we got to the car. 

Arriving home was tough as usual. I go back and forth between hating being at home to not wanting to leave the house. Coming home to an empty house guts me every time.  Doesn’t matter how I try to frame it in my mind. It’s too big, too quiet and too empty.

Today I had another session with my grief therapist. Another thing that is hard to do. Talking about the very thing I try not to think about, Mark being dead.

 How does one come to terms with losing their “person”? The one that completed them and made them a better person? Grief is different from person to person and situation to situation. For me it’s a vast ocean it the midst of a hurricane. I’m in the middle of it trying to cling to my life raft with no one in the raft with me. That’s how my grief feels. It’s scary, lonely and it hurts when it hits me. 

Image of Stormy ocean waves


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