Day 55

 

Hard to believe June is almost over. I don’t remember most of May and it seems that I haven’t stopped for a minute in June. Part of the busy pace in June has been deliberate on my part. Keeping busy keeps my mind from focusing on Mark being gone all the time. I’m still swamped by waves of grief throughout every day, but my grief isn’t constantly debilitating and it isn’t the only thing on my mind every second of every minute.  

One thing that seems to be getting worse is my anxiety. It doesn’t help that everything seems to be an uphill struggle. So many things need to be done and nothing seems to go smoothly. Everything is a struggle and I fight to keep going. There are times when I just want to give up. What’s the point of building a life, working hard for it and having it all ripped away? What’s the point of building a life to enjoy WITH someone only to end up spending it alone? 

This was supposed to be our “golden years.” Time for us to enjoy the fruits of our labor and sacrifices. Now I wonder what the hell it was all for. 



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