Day 49

 

I didn’t blog yesterday. Instead, I forced myself to do something for ME. I joined 6 other ladies and spent the day out on my bike. It was a beautiful day to ride. The oppressive heat of the week stayed away and we had temperatures in the lower 80s.  

Riding isn’t something Mark and I shared. He didn’t care for motorcycles, but he knew I loved my “wind therapy,” so he encouraged it. Riding yesterday was the first activity I’ve participated in that didn’t bring tears. Likely because there were no “Mark Memories” associated with riding. The ladies all knew about Mark passing. One lost her first husband many years ago. They encouraged me to talk about him over lunch. Amazing group of women. 

I have someone coming by the house this afternoon to give me an estimate on a few things I need done around here. Things I can’t do on my own and I want to get the house ready. In 10 months I will be making the decision to either keep the house, or sell it. Either way I want to be ready. I hate being in the house at this point. Too big and too empty. Everywhere I turn I expect to see Mark and it brings in a fresh wave of pain and grief when I don’t. 

I’m going to try to get back into the routine of going to the shop daily next week. I don’t know how much time each day I will spend there, but it’s time. It won’t be easy, but I know that it’s important for my mental well being. I need to continue to move forward through the grief, no matter how hard it is. 

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